WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MITCH?

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MITCH?

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✪ Good Saturday Evening, New Americanist Patriots! Greetings from America’s flyover heartland, where God is still revered, the Constitution respected and all the men and women folk are good looking and carry everywhere without fail! Before we jump off into anything else, let’s congratulate ourselves this week by giving credit where credit is due by honoring the most incredible milestone of celebrating our Nation’s 250th Birthday! Happy Birthday America! I must admit, the entire week of celebratory events came off without a hitch and looking quite good! No George Floyd Bowel Movements Matter of Pantyfa redux type of bullshit to spoil or taint the occassion! This, despite the expected, pissing, moaning, bitching and complaining from the usual mentally impaired Donkee Pod People bemoaning the righteous ass chaffing and ammonia burns resulting from their Stage Four Donkee diaper rash!

What the Hell. I mean what else should we have expected from these wretched, pathetic, sociopathic, unwashed, chihuahua foreskins? I just just knew they would seize upon this opportunity to wave their teeny tiny “red” rockets in our faces. The white, Ugandian, red dot, douchebag, Marxist sick joke of a Mayor of NYC took away time from his busy schedule of sitting around dreaming up new ways to fuck up and wreck what once used to be one of the greatest cities in the World to stage a blatant, disingenuous media event involving him sitting behind a backwards facing George Washington desk to preach and lecture the country about how the American Experiment has been a complete failure and the country is fucked up because there are still some po folks who are being cheated and shorted on the phony commie promises of “equality for all.”

Oh dear, fuck me a third time. How shall I ever live with such an oppressive burden of collective guilt and shame knowing every remarkable and incredible accomplishment this country has achieved over the last 250 years has come at the cost of cheating and exploiting indigenous peoblez of color and innocent migrants who were brought here against their will? How can I ever face myself now knowing deep in my heart I am nothing but a despicable, patriarchal white colonialist who has stolen everything? SHAME!

Fuck me again. What an absolutely insulting, offensive & thoroughly distasteful pubic display and abuse of office by this pin headed, pencil dicked, globalist, muslim, fellator tool exhibited the day BEFORE July 4th. And of course, he was accompanied by a background crowd of the usual dopey tools in tow. A predictable assortment of clueless expressionless, sad sack hacks who allowed themselves to be abused as props in this pathetic, lame dicked, media guilt tripping psyop. Yeah, we saw all the usual calculated, token representatives of every victimhood demographic assembled on full display and all in one place to remind us of our “forgotten” and “cheated” fellow countrymen; or should I say “country persons?” I sure as Hell don’t want anyone accusing me of ever being insensitive, undiverse or exclusionary because I really just don’t know how I could ever go on living with myself carrying such a burden of guilt. Fuck me again for the fifth time!

Oh look, what a completely predictable line up! There’s a black one, a slant eye, a sad & completely apathetic curry pudding bear; Jose, Chato and Lourdes, and of course Habib Sally along with Devontarious, Frankie Goes To Hollywood & My Pronouns are They/Them. Everyone of them holding a small American flag for the camera, so I guess that makes this entire DSA Media handjob fiasco completely legit! Of course! Absent from the second muzzy/communist President wannabe’s landmark press event was his oily rat wife who was MIA, off on some taxpayer funded junket in the Middle East learning how to become a better enabler and warrior for the new globalist jihadi caliphate. OK, ENOUGH kvetching about these worthless, shitstain skidmarks on America’s underwear. A piss and pox upon their houses!

The Establishment, Deep State rock star I came here to really rake tonight is that one and only, incomparable stud and sex machine of the Senate, Mitch McConnell! Like everyone else this week, I find myself asking that $100 Billion dollar question; WHERE in the World is Mitch? Well I’ll tell you, I have some ideas of my own of where America’s golden boy; the most interesting, international man of mystery might be hiding out and what he’s actually up to. Rumor has it Mitch was personally hand selected by Jeff Bezos to man a secret, classified mission to Uranus where he has established the first land base on the planet URANUS, living in a glass dome and breeding with Katy Perry to ensure the future of Humanity! Or, he might be on the set somewhere in the Mojave Desert directing the replacements for the lost reels of Greed. Or training for the next Ironman… Or banging sooper models on the side in his spare time when he’s not busy cliff diving in the Italian Riviera or racing speed boats in the Maldives.

Come on, Haters! Cut Mitch a little slack! It’s not easy being the most interesting man in the world! How DARE we demand or expect any accountability from him when his dance card is already so full? Take my word for it, Mitch is out there somewhere on a mission from God and all of us are going to crap our pants when the truth finally comes out about how he has single handedly saved Humanity from the space aliens!

The Truth is, Mitch is probably out there somewhere on a slab at room temperature or 40F, while the Star Chamber Politburo responsible for the ongoing Truman Show which is our Federal Government buys time to come up with a plan to reanimate this gelatinous sack of shit so he can continue on doing their bidding under the pretense of his most “honorable” and “esteemed” political career in Congress.

It’s already been almost a month since the Turtle cast his last vote in the Senate. Since then, he’s also been conspicuously MIA from all his committee meetings which conveniently just so happen to give the Rats a temporary advantage in the Senate over the slim Republican majority. It’s not as if that sack of shit doesn’t vote with the Rats anyway against anything and everything that fucks over America simply because of obvious other illnesses which plague his wretched soul, of which the TDS is but only one other.

And before anybody here launches into moralizing to me about how I need to pull my punches or old back any harsh words of criticism out of respect for poor old Mitch and whatever suck ass situation he has currently parked himself in… Because you know, if you can’t say anything nice about someone, then you just shouldn’t day anything at all; or, it’s not nice to speak poorly of the infirm or dead, blah, blah blah…

Sorry to disappoint you and be the bearer of bad news…No wait, not really sorry at all because this government net slug has been a complete sellout during his entire 45 years of feeding at the public trough completely at our expense, so I’ve earned the right to blast his worthless ass. Can you name one thing he’s ever done in all of that time which has directly impacted you or the country to make anything better? I’ll wait. FOURTY FIVE YEARS! He’s been been making his deals, feathering his nest and buttering his ass since 1981! So, I think this corrupt prick has more than earned the right for us to speak openly about who he really is.

He’s already DEAD! THERE, I said it! Prove me wrong! As evidenced by the entire klusterfuck, media circus surrounding this latest episode of the Star Chamber Syntheic Reality Kubuki Theater Soap Opera. Yeah, fucking Mitch is hanging out with Elivis at the high roller table at the Bellagio planning his big comeback as the hottest leading man in Hollywood. Gosh, is he still alive or isn’t he? Be sure to tune in to the Nancy Grace Telethon so you won’t miss a single exciting, titillating moment! Don’t worry! There will also be on the hour replays of Tay Tay & Kelce’s most excellent wedding adventure! My cup runneth over! Bread and circuses!

Another reason I highly suspect Old Mitch has finally punched the ticket and gone off to that big final Senate cloture roll call downstairs is the most recent activity of his poor grieving widow. I don’t know about you, but when my wife finally dies, my first order of business is going to call in some contractors to freshen up the paint and have all the floors redone; but not until after a truck shows up to haul off a bunch of old furniture and bedding.

And WHO the F drops everything and immediately jets off to fucking Beijing only THREE days after their spouse experiences a major medical emergency to have a quick secret meeting with the THIRD most powerful man in the Chinese Communist Party? I’ll tell you WHO. A fucking CCP SPY who gets called in for an emergency briefing and a new assignment! Come on, man! You KNOW I’m right! Complicated even more so by the fact her family are TAIWANESE! Strangerer and strangerer, Shaggy!

However, let not your hearts be worried! Or hero Mitch is NOT braindead or artificially being kept alive somewhere until the Establishment powers that be can come up with some sort of hair brained plan to jumpstart his miserable DEAD ass again until at least after August 3rd, which coincidentally happens to be the deadline for holding a special election to replace him.

Finally, whenever I look to social media for the truth, I am bolstered by all those scripted posts containing identical wording about so and so’s conversation earlier in the day with dear old Mitch and how he’s going just gangbusters in his recovery; as spry and chipper as ever, growing stronger each day until he is finally able to make his way back the Senate to continue his historic mission of tireless public service to the American people. WHY do I feel like they are all once again pissing on top of our heads and telling us to our faces it’s raining? Because they ARE!

All it would take is a simple 30 second video of Mitch recorded on a staffer’s cell phone sitting up in his hospital room bed grinning, and saying something as simple as, “I’m doing great and looking forward to being back on the job in a few days” could immediately end all of this bullshit, but you know, I know and THEY know that’s never going to happen for the most obvious of reasons. Because it IS ALL just more Establishment, Deep State BULLSHIT. OK, I think I need to end off here before I pop a blood vessel or start punching holes in the wall. ✪

For God, Family & Country,

General Mossberg