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If I Was The President

If I Was The President


In light of all this past week’s new events which have been sponsored by our new communist politburo regime, perhaps we should take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves the most obvious of all question: just what the FUCK is actually going on? Unfortunately, the answer is all too obvious: the country has been hijacked and commandeered by a pack of corrupt, lying, thieving marxist bolsheviks who are all working overtime to cement their power permanently and destroy the greatest country which has ever existed. Fuck them. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s ask the next most obvious question: how do we fix this shit? I know how far I must be going out on a limb to ask this, because it suggests that We The People must take a much more proactive approach towards handling this clusterfuck in such a way that has been lost for decades on our grifting, self serving, corrupt elite political class who have only broken and destroyed everything. In other words in case you haven’t noticed yet, they’re NOT doing their jobs! It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it; why not just fix things? Funny how not a single “public servant” at any level of power seems to have enough common sense to stop all the bitching, stealing, race baiting, lying, name calling & finger pointing long enough to just step up to the plate and say, “This can’t go on anymore; let’s work together to make all of this right again.” Odd, isn’t it? It seems and feels odd to us because unlike them, we are forced to live with the consequences of all their failed policies and stupid decisions to which they’ve conveniently made themselves immune. Wouldn’t your life & mine be completely different too if you could legally inside trade the stock market, have an army of 500 staffers waiting on your every beck and call, enjoy the highest quality healthcare known to mankind, all while you sit back enjoying your endless string of $1000 Wagu beef dinners in snobby DC restaurants and let truckloads of $100 bills be delivered by your pet special interest groups to your Capitol office? Wouldn’t life just be swell then, shaboom, shaboom? Especially after you had rewritten most of the laws to personally benefit you and your family instead of the American people by making all of this graft somehow legal? Is it any wonder they couldn’t care less for you, me or all the ordinary people who are now struggling to survive the effects of their stupidity while the entire country goes down in flames? This is exactly what we get when there is a total lack of any meaningful consequences for the Elite as a result of their own sedition and treason. None whatsoever! Oh so sorry, I stand corrected; I forgot Hillary Clinton is now serving life in prison along with the hundreds of other government criminal traitor snakes awaiting their trials after the Durham report was released. Fuck me, I know I’m dreaming. Now, they are on the verge of finalizing their coup by legalizing election fraud to cement unchallengeable, one party control for the indefinite future. Fuck me, I know I’m not dreaming.

Doesn’t that royally piss you off? Shouldn’t that royally piss you off?  It certainly does piss me off; so much so, that I feel the time has finally arrived for me to reveal my plans and share my platform for when I finally become President of The United States. First of all, a few important disclaimers. In a Mossberg presidency and administration, there will no longer be any “business as usual.” No more back room, back slapping, under the table, good ole boy, hand job policy making. I would assume complete control & authority as well as take complete responsibility. Isn’t that refreshing? The first order of business would be to purge and totally eliminate every Deep State operative from every government agency position. Such a counter coup would be absolutely necessary if I really intended to accomplish anything productive or lasting. Next, more heads would roll; LOTS of them! I would executive order the immediate abolishment of all public service unions and immediately FIRE everyone in the Federal government who makes more than $100K each year for working 5 hours a day and eating donuts. Hey, a pen and a phone, pretty cool, eh? This would leave the US Government with a workforce of only about 5000 remaining employees instead of the current 6 billion. The other worthless sacks of parasitic shit that no longer had their federal jobs could go learn how to code. If it’s good enough for us, it damned well should be good enough for them, right? Better yet, these slugs would be offered a choice between either going to prison for the rest of their miserable lives or work swinging a sledge hammer busting rocks for $1 hour making road gravel until they had finally paid back everything they stole from the American taxpayers. A President Moss would be all about da compashun and forgibness. All their government union bosses would be deported to Africa where they would be free to organize as many people of color to their little hearts’ content. Universities would be forced by law to pay off all outstanding student loan debt of their LBGTQ, arabic black gender students from their endowments and held responsible for collecting it. Complete refunds would be given to anyone who paid off their student loans on time for an actual useful degree. Every single, last, stinking “diversity officer” university administration employee would be arrested for the fraud of unlawfully perpetuating “bigotry and hate.” Fuck ‘em, let’s see how well that shoe fits on the other foot. All of their personal assets would be seized and paid back to the families of smart white kids who were denied their rightful places at college because they weren’t a person of color in some politician’s pet minority victim class. College entry would no longer be based on affirmative action skin color quotas; but instead, intelligence and merit.

I would eliminate every single government penny, perk or preference now being lavished on the tranny freaks. Period. Enough of this obsessive government compulsion to push this depravity into every crack (pun intended), corner and cranny of our culture and society. Anyone who insists on continuing to perpetuate the narrative and myth that “men have periods” or ”girls have penises” will be placed in a mental institution for treatment at their own expense until they come to understand there are only two sexes, male and female. Males claiming they are really women in any kind of sports will staked out spread Eagle and kicked in the crotch until it finally dawns on them they have nuts. Shouldn’t take too terribly long. If you want to be gay, that’s still your right in a free America with a President Mossberg; however, you won’t be celebrated or your sexual aberration elevated to a position of cultural dominance. We’re not going to completely reorganize all of society and flush the natural order of the Universe down the toilet just to normalize your delight in having someone else pleasure your anus. You won’t be getting any further special legal protections or considerations because you don’t even make up 3% of the total population. Also, your sexual behavior is your own choice and responsibility; don’t force the rest of us to be involved in it nor pay for it. We don’t “fear” your gayness, we just don’t completely like the idea. We are entitled to make our own choices as well. Since we’re now on the subject of gay sociopaths; if you are a member of pantifa or boon lies matter who enjoy threatening and harassing normal people in restaurants, grocery stores or blocking traffic, you’ll get NO sympathy or zero tolerance from Federal Marshals and LEO who are finally going to be allowed to do their jobs. This means breaking your stupid commie heads and dragging your worthless asses off to jail. You will receive due process, but if found guilty of your crimes, you will join your other “brothers and sisters in the struggle” for a few years of hard labor making road gravel. Those who riot, loot, burn or murder will receive justice swiftly without hesitation or equivocation. We’re fucking sick and tired of all of you assholes trying to exploit the same system you want to destroy for leniency when you are caught committing crimes. Go-ahead and stand in the street. It will now be legal for normal people to run your pinko punk asses down. I’m betting you’ll lose that zeal for constant protest, chaos and agitation really fast; then perhaps the rest of us can finally have some fucking peace and quiet so we can go about the business of just living and enjoying our lives. Since unions are outdated and mostly incubators for marxist horse shit which launder rat money to buy influence which aims to destroy capitalism, they will be banned. Any union bosses caught leaving their houses will be committing a felony and arrested on sight.

Climate change activist morons will no longer find any places remaining for them to peddle their idiocy in public discourse. President Mossberg will once again restore America’s energy independence to bring consumer energy costs down to record lows. The economy will once again boom and expand on an unlimited abundant supply of affordable fossil fuel and nuclear power energy. Alternative energy sources will still be considered, but will have to be developed and stand on their own merit and efficiency in the free market. No more government subsidies toward giving impractical or inefficient technologies an artificial advantage over other energy sources. Communist climate change cucks will be made to atone for all of their past sins and manipulation by forced labor to dismantle and destroy every fucking last eyesore wind turbine. They will all be given a kitchen paring knife and told to shred every turbine blade into confetti to be sold for 4th of July celebrations. While they’re doing this, they can expect to enjoy the same kind of shelter and food our National Guard troops were recently afforded in DC. Better yet, they will each be issued a foil space blanket and forced to sleep on cold concrete flooring locked at night in a chain link cage. Si, su puede! Fuck them all. Instead of continuing to coddle these maggots while they work to destroy our way of life, I would hasten to give them a huge, hard dose of their own medicine. For all I care, their power lusting pals at the EPA could join them making turbine blade confetti. After all, they’d still be helping to clean up the planet.

Which leads us finally to Congress. Since most of the human waste and fat would have been trimmed completely out of government by this time, there would be hardly no stooges left for Congress to buy off as a way of making their policy. By this time, Zuckerberg and Dorsey are working in the salt mines and Big Tech has been neutered and restored back to simply being “Tech.” Social media platforms will once again serve the original purpose for which they were originally intended; a digital public square where ideas and discussion may be exchanged for everyone with absolute freedom of speech, not the personal plaything of communist billionaire millennials intent on taking over the World by censoring and manipulating human thought. All the Karens out there will have their voice boxes surgically removed so the rest of us will never have to listen to their bully bitching again. Of course, I’m only saying all of this as tongue in cheek humor, lest some Soros funded DA somewhere get a bug up their Leftist ass for the General; however, criminals who commit real crimes will get real sentences they will have to serve in real prisons. No more fucking social justice or revolving doors. No more mother murderers allowed to walk free on the streets to terrorize good people. No more special affirmative action plea dealing or legal system “compassion.” ENOUGH! Do crime and you will do time, ALL of it. Activist judges will be evaluated for any history of legislating from the bench or judicial activist overreach; and, find themselves disbarred or put on the road gravel crew if found guilty.  Prosecutors who are found to have failed to uphold the oaths of their office will be sentenced to cleaning prison toilets until the coronavirus is completely eradicated. Every tyrannical “health official” and Governor found guilty and complicit in exploiting the virus scam to lever their manic totalitarian controls will summarily be executed by firing squad. Their cause of death will be recorded as “covid.”

Circling back around to Congress again: those fuckers. Ok, I understand at this point in the plan, President Mossberg has now become Dictator Mossberg; but only because that’s the level of ruthlessness the real enemies of America are going to understand. What are they always telling us about making omelettes? Please continue to indulge me, if only for a few sentences more. I would cancel all the debt and abolish the FED. Yippy kai yay, motherfuckers! Every congressmen would be made to account for and pay back every dollar they ever stole from the taxpaying public. GONE would be their unlimited congressional expense accounts which they so routinely ABUSE. Let them pay for all of their own shit: cars, trips, meals, drugs, hookers, everything. If they steal any more taxpayer money to enrich themselves or their families, they automatically forfeit their pensions; immediately and with NO questions asked. If they are unable to recompense taxpayers, they automatically go to prison for ten years and are permanently banned from public sector employment forever. I will completely abolish the IRS and instead institute a nation 15% sales tax which everyone will pay equally on every purchase from a pack of cigarettes up to $100,000,000 yacht. No more torturing productive Americans with 55,000 pages of incipherable tax legalese which can be interpreted any which way the damned government pleases. Welfare recipients will be taxed starting at a 10% bracket which will increase every year by 1% while they continue to sit on their fat lazy asses. Once they reach 20%, all their entitlements will be cut completely. Every new bill sponsored in Congress will actually be read aloud and fully debated before its vote. Congressional pukes will have all their votes go on the official record; no more secret or voice votes. No more earmarks, continuing resolutions or bullshit attachments. Congressional terms will be limited to only two years and they must work a minimum of 60 hours each week. Influence brokering and special interest lobbying will be prohibited. Get to work & get the things done which need to be done. It’s not about what’s best for you dumbfucks, it’s about what’s best for the country.  

A President Moss administration will make our national security a top priority. Our Military will be purged of all the commie fan boi cake eaters and butt motor boating, tranny sympathizers. Defense spending will be streamlined by competitive bidding to become much more efficient, economical and effective. Rank and promotions will be awarded on the basis of merit, service and accomplishment, not guilty consciences which fret over “equality” and skin color. New weapon systems will have to demonstrate their power and abilities beyond question before receiving any funding. No more good ole boy kickbacks or politician pet projects bringing home the bacon to their districts. Enough of this payback payola bullshit.

Whew, this is only a start, but I think you have the General idea now. There’s still plenty more I could go into; enough for perhaps another time. We certainly have our work cut out for us.

As you were,

General Mossberg