Theater Of The Absurd
Theater Of The Absurd
✪ How are you all doing out there this fine Summer weekend, Patriots? Are you enjoying the big show which has become a daily challenge just to attempt to navigate and live a normal life? Don’t worry, it’s not just you. It’s all of us; everybody is trapped & being held captive audience in this current Globalist Theater Of The Absurd. Everybody that is, except anyone having enough money and the proper connections to be fortunate enough to find themselves as a member of that very special club which is actually who is hosting this very special dramatic experience.
Currently on the playbill is The Great Reset, a World Economic Forum production written & produced by Klaus Schwab and featuring the United Nations, NWO & Euro-peon Union Players; co-produced by the Global Deep State & supported by contributions from Big Pharma, multinational corporations, international crime syndicates, the privileged Political Elite Class and of course, by audience members like you. Particularly by audience members like you. Yes, even though all the great folks putting on this exciting show have more money than God, it’s you and I, the tiny insects scratching in the dirt for survival on their future to be paradise Eden of inclusive equitable sustainability who are really footing the bill and paying for it all. Hey, don’t hate on me, freeloaders! I’ve already done my part to help the cause by purchasing a $100K electric car. I even ordered the Special Limited Edition version which comes with the Official Pete Buttigeig Signature, completely carbon neutral ass warmer seats. Hey, I think I want to live the sporting life! To the rest of you dragging your feet to resist the inevitable coming age of sustainable, alternative green energy I say, “Get with the program! Time for you deniers to pay your fair share!”
Are you enjoying the show? Are your wrist and ankle restraints comfortable? How about that Chink Flu Scamdemic that opened up the First Act? Wasn’t that thrilling? Especially the parts about the lockdowns, mask & vaccine mandates. So many twists and turns, flip & flops & plot contradictions designed to keep us all on the edges of our seats and guessing what the fuck was going to be happening next. I must admit, there were a few times when I really didn’t know what was going to happen next, which way was up or down or even what was real, but I suspected right from the very start that all the players who were originally pretending to be the heroes were actually the villains! And I was right! Especially that old doctor who really liked money and torturing dogs. More than once, I found myself wanting to scream out and warn the actors that everything was fake; that COVID was actually nothing more than a lab juiced version of the seasonal flu and that all the lockdowns, mandates, dishonesty, vaccines and corruption written into the story were going to make the solution much more worse than the disease itself but I kept my mouth shut. Not because I didn’t want to spoil it for everyone else, but mostly because I didn’t want to have my online bank accounts frozen before a team of 11 foot tall, robotic, artificially intelligenced members of the Fourth Industrial Revolution SWAT Team kicked in my door at 3:30 AM to take me away on an all expensive paid vacation so wonderful, my family would later be told that I just didn’t want to come back. The most disappointing part was we never got to see how it all ended because the folks putting on the show decided to leave us hanging. I’m certainly no critic or theater snob, but I think the reason why they did that is probably because they plan to bring that part of the story back again later. Or perhaps, even as part of the Grand Finale!
Act Two opened with the martyrdom of George Floyd! Omg, what a brilliant allegory about man’s inhumanity against his fellow man and the eternal existential quest to find meaning in a bleak, empty & desolate universe. Like Christ and Ghandi, they killed the messenger when they killed poor George. I was so touched, I cried. Did you cry? It was all such a moving experience. Where you moved? I certainly was moved. And then I pushed the FLUSH button located in the armrest of my Microsoft Industries, 256 GB, satellite, programmable, networked Google AI theater seat toilet named “Kamala” to wash and wipe my ass while I remained sitting right there without ever having to leave my seat so I wouldn’t have to miss a single second of this incredible show. Isn’t technology wonderful? What will they think of next? Bowel Movements Matter!
At the very moment when I had just about lost all hope; lo & behold, George Floyd was suddenly canonized and rose from the dead, ascending into Heaven to take his rightful place in the eternal pantheon as Saint Fentanyl. No doubt this development was triggered by the collective wailing & crying in the long night of millions of America’s forgotten black slave children who still suffer under the weight of their chains. All the burning, looting and murder which followed was enough to almost make you feel guilty & ashamed you weren’t born black, gay or communist; but then it dawned on me and I realized the point of this part of the story was to make me feel guilty & ashamed I wasn’t black, gay or communist or maybe all three. It’s true, Americans really do love an underdog.
The curtain came down for the first intermission and a motorized platform slowly rose up on the stage and then an ensemble of rapper hootchie mommas with 300 pound oiled asses and wearing Satan costumes came out. All butt twerking to a 15 minute version of “Fuck Da Police.” That was our cue to make our way to the lobby for delicious refreshments of cockroach candy bars, artificially buttered popcrickets and 144 ounce Big Gulps of carbonated, vaccine infused HFCS soda. To be honest, the show made me so hungry, I found my way out to the concession stand on more than on occasion: but every time I went, I discovered the prices had increased on everything by at least 25%. WTF? When I asked the theater manager why that was, he told me it was a new and innovative theater technique designed to give the audience a much more authentic experience by allowing them to become directly involved in the show. He really didn’t give away any spoilers, but he just winked and told me to wait and watch for the evil Cossack Prince Of The East who makes everything really expensive to show up later in the show. Meanwhile, several thoughtful Big Bank loan officers were available in the lobby during the intermission signing people up (those who qualified) for convenient, twenty year, 27.99% interest lines of credit so they wouldn’t have to go hungry during the rest of the show.
ACT Three of the show took right up where ACT Two had left off with the poor black people of America struggling to breath. The fictional country of the show, the “United States” held an election and thank goodness, the evil Orange King who had so ravaged the land was defeated and cast back forever damned into the capitalistic pit of the private sector which had spawned him. All hail the new king, King Joe, the Uniter! OMG, so many ups an downs! Are you not entertained!? And Joe waved his hand and lo, the Keystone Pipeline Project evaporated along with America’s slavish enchantment with all things petroleum. Joe heralded the new, bright and shining age of Zero Net Carbon & “alternative sustainable energies” which would accomplish nothing short of saving the entire world! And the people rejoiced and there was more crime, drugs and misery in the land than ever before. Long live King Joe! Well, at least until everything is fucked up two sides from Tuesday and enough so it can never be fixed.
And so benevolent was King Joe, that he invited all the poor and down trodden chocolate children of the world to come and celebrate his new Golden Age in America! Joe waved his hand again and suddenly free healthcare, SNAP cards, education and housing for all of the lost and downtrodden tribes magically materialized out thin air! I tell ya man, this part of the show was kinda like the modern version of the miracle of the five fishes: and at this point, the show took a really unexpected and surprising turn. It turned into a full fledged musical! I shit you not! All of a sudden, there was wild crap like you’ve never seen before. Wild crap your parents, or their parents or their parents’ parents had never seen before! Dancing troupes of queer guys dressed like women and imitating the strangest sexual acts on one another, scantilly clad grade school kids all twerking under dollar bills raining down from the ceiling above the stage as everyone waved big rainbow flags and banners while singing such memorable, toe tapping numbers like “Every Trans Asshole Is A Precious Asshole, Give Me My Pedo Love” and “Shake Your Zelensky!”
I tell you, those musical numbers were a big relief after all the drama before and they had the entire house rocking; but alas, it all was not meant to last. The very moment you let your guard down and started thinking the entire world and all of Humanity was about to finally be united at last in the peace and happiness which only sodomy can bring, the fucking show switched gears again and the stage went suddenly dark and empty, the music turned ominous. A single spotlight illuminated a lone sinister figure sitting on an armored battle horse. GASP! It was the evil Cossack Prince of the East, Vlad, the concession manager had told me about! Holy shit! I gotta tell you, the writers on this show are fucking brilliant! They wrote this guy’s character as more villainous than the Fifth Horseman Of the Apocalypse. I mean they made everything his fucking fault; war, famine, death, destruction, climate change, hetrosexuality …you name it!
Whew, what a fucking incredible show! Right now, I’m in the lobby during the second intermission negotiating an extension on my line of credit for the concession stand. To be honest, all of the drama is kinda starting to wear me out. I’d sorta like to go home and go to bed, but the theater doors are all locked and chained. I also don’t want to leave before I get my money’s worth. I hope there’s not a fire later because if there is, most of the people in here would probably just think it’s another part of the show. Besides, what reason could they ever possibly have to burn down the theater completely with all of the doors locked? Hmmmm. Besides, if I were to leave early, I really don’t have any way of getting home. Seems like while I was busy watching the show, Congress voted to do away with and confiscated my car because it runs on gasoline. The same for my gun collection and money in the bank. That’s ok, these artificially flavored, synthetic butter soaked popcrickets are really yummy and my first payment on them isn’t due until tomorrow. I think I may have enough left on my credit line to get one of those famous Government Industries “It’s Not Really A Dick” plastic, lab grown hot dogs I’ve heard so much about.
Well, they just dimmed the lights in the lobby a couple of times, so that means Act Four of the show is about to begin. Who knows what twists and turns the story is going to take this time! It’s looking like King Joe and his followers might be heading for a Grand Finale showdown with Vlad, the Evil Cossack Prince Of The East to save the entire World from climate change, capitalism & heterosexuality by destroying everything first. Sorry Kids, NO spoilers! All I can say is that I bet everything ends with a BANG! Remember, there’s no business like show business!
Continue stacking, stocking & storing, Patriots!
General Mossberg
