THE CENSUS

The OFFICIAL SUNDAY OPEN THREAD Posts @ 05:00 PDT. ?

☆ OK. Just when you think shit can’t get any worse, I received my census form in the mail yesterday…

What a giant crock of weevil infested smelly runny pig shit! All this time I was under the obviously mistaken impression that the census was designed to take a count on the total number of American citizens living in the United States. Well, apparently not. It was addressed to “Resident.” Now if there is a group of people in desperate need of being pole axed while they are being flayed in an industrial vegetable peeler while hundreds of Puerto Rican trans gibbons piss on what’s left of their faces, it’s the utterly fucking ignorant sycophant turd gobbling pieces of mummified elephant seal shit that created this unbelievably scrawl and expect people to fill it out without getting so pissed off they repeatedly run over a Girl Scout troop with a tank. Resident? That’s who the fuck I am to those anus dilating fuck faces? They sent this fucking form, addressed to anybody on the planet that picks it up, and demands I fill it out truthfully. Then proceed to tell me it’s the law that I jump right on it and scribble furiously to keep armed federal agents at bay. Well I’m not going to, and I’ll tell you why!

First off, addressing it to Resident was bad enough. But then they explain as only third graders can, using their fucked up logic that they’re counting everyone who “lives in the United States.” You read that right; not citizens, not legal tax paying residents, but pretty much anybody who lives here. Now I have a real problem with that, for the simple reason that any fucking illegal retarded fuck nose can fill out this form, lie through their illegal asses, say whatever their illegal minds decides looks good to them, but I’m responsible for it!? My name isn’t “Resident.” They don’t ask for a modicum of proof I’m me, or if I’m an American citizen, no social security number, drivers license to cross check, or a fucking iota of proof! I’m Resident! Now the only way I get identified is if I use my name. Oh, full name……yeah, that will certainly prove I did a pinky swear for my identification. Like fuck it will! Anybody can be “Resident.”  If they can’t address me by my name on the fucking census, then I’m going to remain “Mr Resident.” They can threaten me all they want and they even say “don’t make us send a census taker out there buddy, or we will be really upset with you!” Scary huh? How do they even know it’s me? How can they expect me to comply when they aren’t sure I even live here? Resident my ass.

Since they sent it to Resident, and Resident will reply in due time, I will answer the questions they could expect from just “people living in the United States.” How many live in your house? “41 million people reside with Mr Resident.” How many are children?  “21 million?” Average income? “Don’t know, all sent to Mexico, Central America and every muslim country there is”. How many vehicles do you have? “ 67 million, most up on blocks.“ How many minors in school? “None, they bang with the cartels.” How many toilets?  “None, everyone uses the river. They feel more at home.” What do you do for work? “I feed, house, clothe, educate and give healthcare to 41 million illegals.” My current job is “Resident.” Do you own your own home?  “No, I rent it from the government due to the taxes I have to pay even if I have no mortgage.” What is your race?  “Resident.” Do you own any firearms?  “If I did, I would live alone, not caring for the worlds rejects.”  What state are you in? “One of constant totally pissed off hatred of government assholes like you.” Do you pay any taxes? “I do, but my 41 million Residents don’t. They live here on my dime and expect everything; and they get it. From moron idiot bureaucrat dick smokers like you.“  What political party are you affiliated with? “Resident.” And on and on, until I really want to drink a vial of concentrated Covid19 and drive to Washington and blow snot everywhere and lick every door handle in the capitol building, the IRS, the Federal Reserve, the FBI, CIA, NIA, PDQ, and laugh while I watch them die in a fever induced hysteria. I’m stealing all of their toilet paper first.  

The census is supposed to list & count American citizens, not everybody who lives here. This gives the socialist democrats more undeserved seats in Congress, it funnels vast amounts of tax dollars to those who cater to anybody living here, somehow leaving out average American citizens. The census is a fucking sad & terrible joke. They could give a repeatedly counted fuck about American citizens. They’re counting “voters” and gaming the system to guarantee perpetual power because these “Residents” aren’t allowed to vote. Except they do; and as often as they’re told. In numerous precincts and without fear of recrimination, because those who certify the vote work for Soros and his many communist organizations. We don’t have a true voting system anymore; it’s a giant illusion perpetrated by power hungry global elitists. Those same people who just tanked our economy with gracious help from Red China. So as Resident, I’m dreaming of the day where they are bent over, their wrists tied to their ankles with baling wire while their abdomens are pumped to immense volumes of ballooning pressurized methane gas as a wad of sparklers duct taped into a frighteningly large bundle, lit with a propane torch is jammed so far up their asses that their eyes glow until it explodes in a large orange ball of smoke meat and bone fragments. This Resident is tired of being a second class laborer for the elites and illegals. This Resident is sending them a giant fuck you. I’m not worried either. If they come with a warrant for “Resident” I’ll say he just escaped to a sanctuary city and is daring you bastards to come get him. Then I’ll laugh and say since you are going out of your way not to include Americans are the only citizens of our country and you can fuck right off to Eatshitville and this “Resident” doesn’t give a fake numbered fuck. If they won’t follow the law, I’m not going to either.  Resident be damned.

I am an American taxpaying CITIZEN you crotch sniffing ass licking doormat bureaucratic blobs of tick ridden zebra shit! Count that instead. Now fuck off. You make me sick.  

General Resident.